Inside the Ring

Why am I still with him..

2009-10-19T14:47:38Z

Hmm... good question..

I'll let you know.

mango_sorbet @ 2009-10-02T18:46:00

2009-10-02T10:48:12Z

To me, you just like being "in a relationship" because of the way it sounds. And that's it.

And that's how it feels right now...

I'm a girlfriend, just by title...

But that's it.

Sighs looking back...

2009-10-02T03:03:07Z

That should have been me....

Let's reconstruct memories.... This time, with the right people in place.....

sigh

Asking again..

mango_sorbet @ 2009-09-29T15:27:00

2009-09-29T07:31:58Z

A Repost

Here's to the ones who believed what he said, sat around all over again waiting for a phone call that might come in a few hours, or a few days. Here's for the tears cried and dried all over again. We wanted so desperately to believe that he was really busy, he couldn't possibly call us at that moment, or even that he fell asleep early. We trained ourselves to believe the lies because we wanted to believe we had found the one for us. We learned to SETTLE for someone who didn't treat us the way we should be treated.

Here's for the ones who did their hair and make up and put on their prettiest everything, only to hear him say that he couldn't see us today. The ones who never believed it when people told us there might be someone else. We just couldn't believe that he could do this to us again.

Here's to the girls who couldn't cry to their friends because of how stupid they felt.
The ones who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again. This is for the ones who couldn't bear to even tell their mom what was going on, for fear of an "I told you so."
The ones that could just TELL that they had made a mistake ever allowing him into their hearts, their beds, and their dreams again.

We knew that we deserved better the entire time, that we deserved a guy who would call when he said he was going to, one that would come see us whenever he got the chance, one that would really care about us. We just wanted the one that we loved like that.
Here's for the ones that FINALLY realized that he never gave one thought about them.
Here's for the time that he took to waste, breaking your heart ... again.

This is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, and the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment.
Here's for us girls who finally realized that we deserve better.
This is for those confusing days, when you miss him, and want nothing more than to hear his voice, or feel his arms around your waist.

Stay strong, and remember that relationships are like broken glass, sometimes it's better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together and get hurt all over again.
Remember the times you cried, and how long it took you to even be able to look at another guy like that.
When your song comes on the radio, turn the station.
When the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made and tries calling, turn your phone off.
When he tries coming to your house, don't answer the door.

Think of all the broken promises, and the lies, the manipulation and the tears, the wasted moments and staying up all night wondering where the HELL he was.
Think of how your heart used to jump when your phone would vibrate in the middle of the night, and how it fell to your stomach when you saw it wasn't him, and realized that once again, he hadn't called when he said he was going to.

One day, you'll find a guy who's worth all the tears, but he won't make you cry. You may think that you'll never care about someone like you did that guy that you always ran back to, but you will.
It's gonna hurt like hell, and it's going to need time to heal, but the point is, it will heal.

OH OOPS

2009-09-29T05:04:41Z

Forgot that bit when you said (then tried to retract) the line QUALITY TIME, like sitting on SEC Field benches, is a WASTE OF TIME.

Who are you

I feel so... SINGLE.

2009-09-29T04:54:53Z

I used to laugh at those girlfriends who never used to know where their boyfriends were. Whenever I'd ask, "Soo, where is *insert name of boyfriend*?", they would reply, "Oh, I dunno". Didn't realize I'd be one of those girlfriends later on.

"where's Migz?"

"Uh. Hmm.. maybe at home".

When I really mean to say, "how the fuck should I know. He doesn't feel like getting in touch with me".

We'll be over by the end of this week. I'm tired of you not caring. I'm tired of having a boyfriend that I only exchange "good morning" and "good night" messages with.. when I can just turn to someone else for the company and comfort I am supposed to find in you.

And you know the best part about it, YOU probably wouldn't care.

Here's to all your "I'm too busy to talk to you" excuses.

Here's to all the "I Love You's" and "I Miss You's" YOU LIED about. You don't really tell a person you miss her, then go MIA for the rest of the day. I used to think that missing someone meant you'd want to spend time seeing or talking to her. But the next time you get even a minute of free time, you spend it playing basketball with your blockmates.

"Why do you bring Den along if she needs to study??"
"I DON'T ASK HER TO COME ALONG"

OH. Sorry. Didn't realize I was a leech. DId it ever occur to you that MAYBE in my desperation to spend time with you, I spend my time sitting on the fucking bleachers watching you play that basketball game? THAT is QUALITY TIME for you. Because otherwise, I wouldn't get to talk to you at all. When you get home, its automatically, "DEN! I'M TOO BUSY TO TALK TO YOU"

.... okay, this hurts..

2009-09-28T14:33:53Z

really hurt.

mango_sorbet @ 2009-09-28T21:23:00

2009-09-28T13:24:15Z

Im tired of hearing that you're too busy to talk...

You don't even seem the least bit bothered...

Find a new girlfriend.

:(

2009-09-19T05:19:39Z

I miss....

the good old days...

Are you happy now?

2009-09-19T05:17:05Z

My mistake I didnt know to be in love
you had to fight to have the upper hand.

sigh

2009-09-19T05:08:32Z

Maybe I just don't believe in love stories anymore...

and I roll my eyes when I hear boyfriends talk to their girlfriends...

and I leave the room when someone is watching a sweet movie on TV.

That's right, maybe I just don't believe in love stories anymore.

I just want... a little bit of your time.

2009-08-26T15:08:40Z

It's my birthday on Friday. I better make the most out of it. Because it's only during these types of special occasions when I get to have your full, undivided attention. On regular school days, you're there.... but aren't.

lump in my throat, tummy turning, sickening feeling

2009-08-26T15:06:25Z

You asked me..

"Are you going to break up with me?"

I think the question you wanted to ask me was...

"When are you going to break up with me?"

Because I'm just the biggest pain-in-the-ass to you, aren't I?

"I was a dreamer before you went and let me down"

2009-08-26T15:04:49Z

I miss you...

the old you...

Please come back.

It hurts.

White Horse - Taylor Swift

2009-08-26T15:01:59Z

*sigh*

I don't know..

Is this really what happens after a year?

I have to fight you to have quality time?

And when we actually do have quality time, you're busy texting.. or studying.. or just plain not listening...?

On top of your habit of not replying..

Is this really what happens?

I miss that honeymoon-high-happy-tummy-turning stage of a year ago.

And forgive me for being silly but... I hate how when you talk to other girls, you're all smiles - from ear to ear.. but when you talk to me, you're either not looking at me (because you're too busy doing something else) or you have this blank, tired look on your face.

Can't I get you to smile like I used to?

Like the others do?

I know I'm being silly by saying this...

But it just sucks to notice how you have to rely on other ~~people~~girls to get you to smile...

When I, as your girlfriend, can't even pull off that same effect when I'm with you....

"This ain't a fairy tale"...

Now I know.

I want..

2009-08-02T16:03:03Z

I want my self-confidence back...

I hate that insecure feeling I get whenever THEY are around...

I hate that wave of anxiety that washes over me whenever I start to think, "Do I look okay..?"... "Is my hair fixed..?" or "Do I look ugly..?"

I want to feel the same way I felt about them before.

When I could just walk past... and NOT notice them at all.

Back when I didnt care.

....

2009-07-25T05:43:37Z

SILENTLY SCREAMING.

Isn't it funny that, now that I have a problem with someone and am looking for someone to comfort me, YOU aren't the first person that comes to mind? Or would you prefer it that way? You're always TOO BUSY, most of the time, doing what YOU want to do, that I always feel like I'd be bugging you too much with my problems if I called you up to vent. Not like before...

What happened to my best friend?

Weekend - And for some reason, Im already so drained.

2009-07-25T05:40:26Z

Pissed off and tired of bullshit.

Okay, my first problem...

a) Would you rather spend the night at home? Because you should have told me that in the first place, and didn't make me WAIT EXCITEDLY for tonight, only to find out once again, that you've been slacking off and haven't finalized plans with the parentals. Just tell me you'd rather stay at home and read as usual. Just tell me you'd rather PLAY BASKETBALL, STUDY, HANG OUT WITH YOUR BLOCK, and SPEND TIME AT HOME, than hang out with me. Because I'm tired of waiting for a lost cause. I'm tired of your insensitivity.

I told you you'd miss being SINGLE. I knew it.

And you get mad when I tell you you've changed...

So, what do you want me to do now?

Second problem...

b) MOTHER EFF. Do you seriously want me to embarrass your fucking fat ass in front of other people? Because I can. And I will. Now seriously, FUCK OFF, b****.

Oh well, at least I'll have the entire night tonight to myself to dream about being somewhere else.

mango_sorbet @ 2009-07-22T01:06:00

2009-07-21T17:07:58Z

Here comes the rain..

...

2009-07-21T17:04:56Z

Am I really going to be crying myself to sleep this entire week again?

Please. I don't want you to hurt anymore. If being away from me makes you happy, please, just go ahead, and don't look back. I got into this hoping that I could bring a smile to your face.

And as for me, please.. Lord, make it stop hurting. I'm losing him...

It's happening again.

People always leave.

INSANITY.

2009-06-10T14:07:54Z

I AM VERY, VERY CLOSE TO LOSING IT RIGHT NOW. I would VERY much appreciate YOUR help right now. I would VERY MUCH like to be taken seriously.

I have been working since the morning, all the way until the afternoon. When I call you up, you accuse me of NOT doing the proposal, when you knew VERY well that I would be in school, running around, EXTREMELY busy the entire day today. I would have appreciated the help. Really.

Actually, I BADLY wanted to talk to my BOYFRIEND at that point in time, but instead had someone argue with me over why I didn't do it.

You're seriously climbing the INSENSITIVITY SCALE.

I am so drained. My head hurts, and I feel so weak.. I really just... feel.. like.. collapsing...

mango_sorbet @ 2009-06-09T22:01:00

2009-06-09T14:03:50Z

"What did you expect.. I'll drop EVERYTHING for you??"

WOW.

WHy does it sound so ugly hearing that from you?

SO tactless.

You told me this yesterday.. but for some odd reason, the words are still ringing in my ears...

...

2009-06-09T13:54:58Z

So this is why you want to go to NLDS so badly......

*Sigh*

You know, ever since Saturday, my insecurity level has magnified to the tenth power...

You can't blame me for feeling so insecure lately.

Look back on what you said. And just think... if it were you in my position then, what would you have felt?

All right, you've done what you've done. You've been tactless and insensitive. You hurt me. I am now so insecure of myself. I feel so conscious. I feel so fat. I feel so insignificant standing next to girls. I feel so ugly.

Its up to you to rectify this..

mango_sorbet @ 2009-06-09T00:45:00

2009-06-08T17:04:00Z

Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday

Days in bold letters are days we will be together. All Aegis-related. All work.

Please don't tell me you plan on cutting down on that. Because right now, Aegis is my only excuse to be with you.

"50-50"

75-25

85-15

95-05

*sighs*

mango_sorbet @ 2009-06-09T00:45:00

2009-06-08T16:50:31Z

Aren't you happy.

We have seven days in a week. Five weekdays. Three of which we spend doing Aegis work. One of which we spend doing romantic stuff...

And you want to cut down on that.

Because we're spending TOO much time together?

If our relationship was defined by the number of Edboard meetings we have instead of the number of times we hold hands and tell each other we love one another, that would be great.

But would you honestly want that?

What happens during Edboard meetings?

We sit apart. We don't hold hands. We don't hug. We don't look at one another, unless we need to talk about budget.. or the prod sched.

Does that really qualify as quality couple time to you?

Inside the Ring

Why am I still with him..

mango_sorbet @ 2009-10-02T18:46:00

*Sighs* looking back...

mango_sorbet @ 2009-09-29T15:27:00

OH OOPS

I feel so... SINGLE.

.... okay, this hurts..

mango_sorbet @ 2009-09-28T21:23:00

:(

Are you happy now?

*sigh*

I just want... a little bit of your time.

lump in my throat, tummy turning, sickening feeling

"I was a dreamer before you went and let me down"

White Horse - Taylor Swift

I want..

....

Weekend - And for some reason, Im already so drained.

mango_sorbet @ 2009-07-22T01:06:00

...

INSANITY.

mango_sorbet @ 2009-06-09T22:01:00

...

mango_sorbet @ 2009-06-09T00:45:00

mango_sorbet @ 2009-06-09T00:45:00

Sighs looking back...

sigh